I’ve grown addicted to the thrill of completing aspirations. Even the smaller milestones are completed with fanfare and a racing pulse. And the big ones? Those make all the hard work worth it. I completed all four childhood aspirations four days before my birthday. Mom would have me pose after each one so she could document it. Social, Mental, Motor, and then finally Creative.

04-12-15_3-11 PM-2

After that, I was kind of at a loss. There’s only  a few skills that I could learn while I was still a kid – and I’d already achieved my A in school. Dad said I deserved a break from it all. I napped, I borrowed Eve’s bed at night instead of skilling. It was fun…but weird. I was grateful when my birthday came around and I could get back to my normal routine. Skilling.

04-13-15_2-07 AM

Suddenly I had a plethora of options. What skills did I want to work on, which aspirations could I achieve, what job should I take. It was heady. Like a million doors all leading somewhere were in front of me. Was it even possible to open the wrong door? If I picked the wrong thing would I fail? Childhood suddenly seemed simplicity itself. Four choices. Four skills.

skilling

Some decisions were easy. Get and A, get a job. Then figure out how to get out of school and working because that just takes up time. Other decisions were almost impossible. Should I continue the violin? Cooking? Handiness? Video games? Fishing? What did I want to do? I knew I would succeed at whatever I tried, but what did I want? I wasn’t sure I could answer that. How can you know what you want until you try it and see if you like it?

04-18-15_12-53 AM

I didn’t like everything I tried. Cooking was fun, and it was helpful for work as well. I made breakfast for the rugrats every morning since Mom and Dad usually slept right up until their alarm went off for work. It was one of the few times I felt like part of the family. Joking with Lillith, poking fun of Cain for his insistence on wearing a wig, exchanging knowing glances with Eve.

04-15-15_10-19 PMBut then they’d all leave for school and Mom and Dad would stumble downstairs and out the door for work and I’d be left to my own devises. Perhaps if I were a loner it would have been easier. I could have found solace in the solitude. Instead I was bored and antsy, running out to meet strangers when I could. Feeling trapped by four walls.


Chapter 5: Teenagerdom >


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